Maybe this has been simmering since the recent discussions of writing and perfectionism, or maybe it's a reaction to editing (and correcting and scoring) the first assignments in my newswriting class. All I know is this: Writing is a bitch. Doing it will make you crazy and teaching it will make you mean.
It looks so frickin' easy. I've pushed a shovel around constructions sites (in Virginia in summer in 95% humidity) and yeah, sitting at a desk is less damn sweaty. But if you need to dig for a footer 24 inches deep, you dig then measure and know it's right.
Writing ain't like that. Here's a lead I wrote for a story 11 years ago:
On a gray January afternoon in 1970, Stanislaus County sheriff's Detective Billy Joe Dickens was murdered, shot in the back by a bank robber he never saw.
Here's how I still wonder if I should have written it:
On a gray January afternoon in 1970, Stanislaus County sheriff's Detective Billy Joe Dickens was murdered, shot in the back by a bank robber he never even saw.
It's 11 years later and I still don't know if I did it right.
And I still care.
12 comments:
So annoying -- I wrote a fabulous comment, and it got lost in cyberhell.
Have you posed the question to your students?
It's a subtle difference, and I can see why you wonder. Does one create more empathy or anger or whatever emotion you're going for? Or is one closer to the "truth?"
The way you wrote it, I sort of get the impression Billy Joe couldn't have seen the robber. Like he was walking down the street, minding his own beeswax, when WHAM! a phantom bullet pierces his thorax.
The other way, I get more the idea that Billy Joe was aware there was a bank robbery going on, and he got shot by ONE Of the robbers -- the one he never even saw. Like when you swerve to avoid hitting the Rolls Royce and instead you run over the pedestrian and you go, "Damn, I never even saw that guy."
Anyway, my 2cents.
(Remind me again -- measure once, dig twice?"
Yeah, I figured it'd be about even. It's such a subtle difference and I'd say it's largely influenced by the reader's own speech patterns, regional dialect and stuff like that. But it's a good example -- your aspiring writers should know that no matter how long and hard they agonize over a turn of phrase (even 11 years), whatever they choose might not work for 100% of their readers.
PS -- I'd be curious if you delete your comment and wait for others from NSO & Anonymous Diane to comment, what they would think.
OK, I took her advice.
Well, it's nice to know Steve has some writing mental illness in him, too. I didn't even know that! Or, is it, "I didn't know that!"?
I do things like that, too, question whether a sentence is better with or without a word. For me, it's often about rhythm rather than meaning. I used to lay in bed after writing a column and recite my paragraphs in my mind, listening to the rhythm and beat of the words. This was back when length was specific down to the 1/16 of a inch, and every word mattered. And, I would only do it in columns when I was trying to create a mood. And somehow, the beat helped support the mood. Or so I thought.
Mood was certainly a factor in your Billy Joe Dickerson story. You nailed that story, all 100 inches of it. I think "even" emphasizes what you're saying, but I think it's almost better without it. Understatement is so powerful when telling a story as moving as that one.
There is one thing about our family ... we all grew up knowing that we were smart and doing well in school. But, there were always differences between the 3 of us. Sonnjea did get to play many sports. I ended up playing many sports. Steve was going to be a future-farmer and even raised a cow. One thing that I have know since I was young is that I cannot write like Steve or Sonnjea can. I clearly see the differences between Steve's 2 leads, but I certainly wouldn't remember then 11 years later ... or repeat them after writing the story. I think that is why I am always so proud of all of you for keeping at, getting editors, making money, etc. - it is something that I know I would not be successful at. Mostly because it isn't who I am ... but, I love that it is part of each of you!
Somewhat off topic, I am part of a Literacy Program through work. PS employees are partnered up with a jr high student that is reading behind grade level. Not enough to be in a special school program, but enough to get noticed on the tests. I met my student this week. She's in the 6th grade and was in tears. Her mom explained that she has been in special programs before and this was the first year she wasn't. So now she feels like it is a step back. I really felt for her. 6th Grade sucked - it was the worst year of my life. But, I always had confidence in being successful at school. I realize now that it is something I took for granted.
Good job on doing the literacy thing. I always think I should do something like that and end up getting all weird and shy and stuff, as if it's somehow about me.
Yeah, except it is through work. So, if I change jobs I cannot do it any more. I am trading off every other week with someone else, so it isn't like this kid won't still be able to read with someone. But, I will still feel bad!
So, I like this. I like reading about your writing. Even though i was mostly a science dork as a kid, I always really liked my english classes. I think it was because of my brother (he did go on to major in english/writing). Anyways, i actually really liked it better the way you originally wrote it. I can't explain why as well as sonnjea or AD, though. I guess in music, one note off can sound terrible. But, in writing their are many more possibilities...
Maybe it's like Clapton's "Layla." The original version and the acoustic version. Both work, but sound different. And there are times and moods I'd prefer on to the other.
Please don't diminish what you're doing with the literacy program (or I'll have to add you to the head-clunking list.) Doing good works is doing good works. And I hope t's fun, too, for you and the girl. (That she feels special instead of Special Bus.) I've never done any volunteer work like that (manditory community services doesn't count...) and I'm proud of you for doing it!
Or "one to the other," perhaps...
Yeah, I was going to clunk her head too.
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